Helping Upset Tots - Your 2 Most Important Tools!
Toddlers arenât merely big babiesâor small big-kids. Theyâre more like primitive visitors from the Stone Age. They wipe their noses with their arms, pee on the grass, push and scratch, and are barely civilized enough to say please and thank you!
As children pass their first birthday, their increasing curiosity, climbing, willfulness and impatience become an explosive combination! Keep in mind that tantrums are not usually deliberate misbehavior (although kids tantrum more if wailing gets them what they want), but that your toddlerâs fragile balance can be pushed over the edge by many common circumstances: routine changes (like a missed nap), life changes (like a new sibling), stimulants (sweets, caffeine, chocolate), stresses (hunger, noise, frustration), or simply being cooped up too long.
The biggest mistake parents usually make is responding to tantrums with tactics designed for either little babies or older children. An infant intent on grabbing the catâs tail can often be distracted simply by handing her a fresh toy or taking her outside. Not so a tenacious toddler. Her memory is longer and her will is stronger! Likewise, patiently explaining why cookies arenât allowed before dinner may work well with older kids, but itâs sure to flop with an irritated, insistent toddler. The simple truth is that toddler tantrums require toddler solutions.
So if your child is a kind of caveman, I like to think that your job is like being an ambassador from the 21st Century to the âNeanderthal people.â Ambassadors dole out lots of generosity and respect to build great working relationships. And you can do this by mastering two basic techniques: The Fast Food Rule and Toddler-ese.
The Fast Food Rule (FFR) says âwhoever is hungriest for attention gets to talk first.â This is the golden rule for speaking to anyone whoâs upset (from babies to biggies). We calm fastest and feel most loved (children and adults) when our upsets are acknowledged with understanding and respect. So for the FFR to work, you must repeat the message using your face, voice, and heart.  Thatâs why, to someone who is really emotional âŚwhat you say is almost meaningless if you donât say it in the right way. You will be much more successful calming your toddlerâs tizzies once you begin translating your words into your young childâs primitive lingo â Toddler-ese! Toddler-ese can be spoken in three simple steps:
- Short phrases. Too many words overwhelm an upset toddlerâs brain. Stick to 1-3 words phrases till she calms.
- We get blind with anger, but angry toddlers get deaf! So, expect to repeat your short phrases 3-5 times (or more if she is really bonkers).
- Your facial expression, tone of voice, and hand gestures must show you understand your toddlerâs level of intensity.
These techniques may feel weird at first, but believe it or not, youâre already using the FFR and Toddler-ese without realizing it. For example, if your 3-year-old climbed the baby slide, all by herself, and beams at you with pride, would you feel odd smiling, applauding, and happily chirping âYea!! Yea!! Good job!! You did it! You did it! Yea!â? Well, thatâs Toddler-ese. Now try it sometime when your child is mad or sad. Youâll be amazed by the look on her face! Sheâll feel respected, understood, and loved.  Which are the best results in being an effective communicator and taming tantrums!
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