TODDLER
Advice for Sleep Training Your Toddler
Teaching your tot to sleep without you.
Written by
Dr. Harvey Karp
SHARE THIS ARTICLE
PARENT PICKS
Bestsellers
TODDLER
Written by
Dr. Harvey Karp
SHARE THIS ARTICLE
Bestsellers
Before you try the toddler sleep training approaches in this article, I recommend using toddler-ese, patience-stretching, twinkle interruptus, and the fun bedtime game to reduce bedtime struggles and help your little one get the sleep he needs. If these techniques are not working, it might be time to use a more direct method of sleep training through these tips and tricks. Keep in mind, these sleep training tips are intended for toddlers who are ages 8 months to 3 years old.
There are primarily two methods for sleep training your toddler
What is the “pick up / put down method”? With this sleep training method, you support your child by staying in the room until he or she falls deeply asleep—but give your child more space and independence over time.
What is the “longer and longer” method? This is the old Ferber-style graduated extinction, or cry it out method, but adapted for a toddler. You should be prepared for some resistance if you choose the cry it out method, That should come as no surprise—toddlers are very strong willed!
Here is an in-depth look at both sleep training methods.
Here is how to do the pick up / put down sleep training method:
If he is already sleeping in his own cot, make a rule that you will stay in the room…but only if he stays in his cot. If he gets out of bed, have a family meeting with your tot to discuss it.
At this meeting, say something like this:
“I know sometimes you want Mum to come back and be with you after you go to bed, but the rule is that kids, pets, and mums have to sleep so we can be happy and play the next day!
“So, let us make a plan. When I tuck you in, I will give you 2 special passes. If you call me back to visit you for water or an extra kiss or for a back scratch or to pee-pee, or even for any reason, I will come fast—but you have to give me one of your special passes.
“But in the morning, if you still have your passes, you can exchange them for a special gift. What would you like? Stars? Special stickers? A shiny new quarter? A cookie?”
If the pick up put down sleep training method does not work, then there is no need to worry. There are a number of other sleep training tricks that you can try. The pick up put down method will be most effective for toddlers aged 9 months up to 18 months, but it can also be successful as they continue to age.
If you are not finding this sleep training technique effective, then consider using the “longer-and-longer” method for toddlers described below.
If you are at your wit’s end—or your own health, well-being and perhaps even work or caring for your family is suffering due to lack of sleep—cry it out, or CIO, may be appropriate.
At the toddler stage, you can add a few twists for a gentler sleep training approach—like reviewing with your child her Beddy-Bye book during the day, doing doll play, and practicing patience-stretching and magic breathing—but regardless of what you do, you should be prepared for extra friction from your tenacious little cave-kid if you choose the cry it out method.
To increase your odds of success, use white noise at bedtime for a week beforehand. Then follow this drill.
The first night, stubborn little kids can cry for an hour or more—and the second night, they may go on even longer. But do not lose your determination. If you give in after an hour of crying and pick your child up, you will end up teaching her exactly the wrong lesson: if you just yell long enough, you will get what you want.
So, if you can, hold out. Usually, the third night is much better…and by the fourth night, your toddler should be falling asleep fast and sleeping through the night.
If things are not better by the fourth night, step back and think about whether your bedtime is too early or too late; if there is some special stress in her life; or whether you are sending mixed signals by talking to her too much or staying too long when you pop in.
Also, if you have a cautious, sensitive child, think about whether she may need a gentler approach, with more visits and a little patting and reassurance when you enter—or one of the no-tear sleep techniques.
If, on the other hand, you have a spirited, tenacious, defiant cave-kid, offering too much attention will just encourage her… so make your visits cheerful but brief.
Hang in there!
If you do need to use CIO, try to keep some perspective (and a sense of humour) during this mini ordeal. Remember that while these scream-filled evenings seem endless, they will be over soon—and all of you will be sleeping better in just a few days. So, stay focused on your goal, and do some magic breathing to help yourself relax. Keep telling yourself that millions of parents have survived this experience (they are the ones who passed on the classic advice, “put cotton in your ears and gin in your stomach”)—and you will survive it too!
Disclaimer: The information on our site is NOT medical advice for any specific person or condition. It is only meant as general information. If you have any medical questions and concerns about your child or yourself, please contact your health provider. Breastmilk is the best source of nutrition for babies. It is important that, in preparation for and during breastfeeding, mothers eat a healthy, balanced diet. Combined breast- and bottle-feeding in the first weeks of life may reduce the supply of a mother's breastmilk and reversing the decision not to breastfeed is difficult. If you do decide to use infant formula, you should follow instructions carefully.
