TODDLER
How to Boost Good Behaviour With Toddler Time Ins
Encourage cooperation with bits of attention, praise, and play.
Written by
Dr. Harvey Karp
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TODDLER
Written by
Dr. Harvey Karp
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I am sure you have heard of time-out (where a misbehaving child is made to sit alone). Well, time-in is just the opposite. It is when a well-behaving child is given tiny bits of play and encouragement. Experienced parents and teachers know that a steady stream of time-ins is a much more effective way of raising a happy, cooperative child than a steady stream of time-outs! There are many types of time-ins. Here are a few of my favourites.
Showing your child that you are interested in what he is doing makes him feel great. (Remember, you are his rock star! How would you feel if your idol watched you do something with genuine interest?) Think of offering attention in terms of bite-size bits. You do not have to stay glued to your toddler’s side 24/7. You can easily feed the meter with just a look, a touch, a wink, a smile, or a few encouraging words.
Sprinkling praise throughout the day is a great way to boost green-light behaviours. But praise can backfire if it is done incorrectly. Here is how to make your praise really count:
You know how compliments are easy to brush off, but if you accidentally overhear someone saying something nice about you to someone else behind your back you take it to heart? Toddlers feel the same way! Not only do we tend to believe things we overhear, but when those comments are whispered like a secret—we believe them even more. Gossip makes your words of praise more effective. So, when your toddler does something praise-worthy, try whispering about it to your partner, or even one of your toddler’s teddy bears! Learn more about how gossiping encourages good behaviour.
Little rewards (or incentives) are small gifts we give to acknowledge when a child does something we like. Rewards are not the same as bribery. Bribery is done to discourage bad behaviour, while incentives encourage good. Of course, you are your child’s number one reward. His favourite gift will be a little roughhousing, an insect hunt, playing tag, or story time. But occasional small incentives like stickers, poker chips, hand stamps, or a bit of sweets can have a magical effect.
Say changing nappys is a daily struggle. Stand your toddler on the table and take out a little reward, like a special 'nappy biscuit' (only given during nappy changes). Offer half the biscuit when you start the change and half in the middle. Usually, within days, the struggle will diminish. A few days later, begin to withhold the second piece until after the nappy change is complete. After another week, reduce the reward to just a half-biscuit when you are done. Eventually, you will not need the biscuit.
In addition to giving the biscuit, reward his cooperation by feeding his meter with some cheery praise and a minute or two of play right after the nappy change. Your loving time ins will be the top reward for him.
You know how kids love hand stamps and tattoos? Well, child development whiz Dr. Barbara Howard suggests rewarding toddlers with a pen check mark on the back of the hand when they do something good.
Hand checks are great because kids notice them all day and are reminded of what a good job they did. At bedtime, count the checks and recall what he did to earn each one. He will end his day feeling like a winner! (Bedtime sweet talk helps build up your toddler in a similar way.)
A star chart is a great way to use a little reward to feed an older toddler’s meter (it works best for kids who are 2 and older). Here is how it works:
Play is a top toddler nutrient. When you give your child a big daily dose of 'Vitamin P,' you thrill his senses, help him master movement, encourage language use, sharpen his thinking, boost his people skills, build his confidence, teach him about the world, and on and on. Do you see why play is such a brilliant way to feed your child’s meter? Try to give your child three types of play every day: outside play, creative activity, and reading. Happy, healthy toddlers have their days filled with chasing, pretending, rolling, and tinkering.
I think of screen time like sweets: A little is okay every so often, but not a steady diet of it. I recommend you limit your toddler’s screen time by following these guidelines:
For more tips about boosting cooperation and reducing tantrums, check out The Happiest Toddler on the Block!
Disclaimer: The information on our site is NOT medical advice for any specific person or condition. It is only meant as general information. If you have any medical questions and concerns about your child or yourself, please contact your health provider. Breastmilk is the best source of nutrition for babies. It is important that, in preparation for and during breastfeeding, mothers eat a healthy, balanced diet. Combined breast- and bottle-feeding in the first weeks of life may reduce the supply of a mother's breastmilk and reversing the decision not to breastfeed is difficult. If you do decide to use infant formula, you should follow instructions carefully.
